But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
