You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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