Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
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