I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize