There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
