Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
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