that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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