if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Randomize
