I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Randomize
