1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Still dying that you shit outside
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
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