Can i not drive my cunt home
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Randomize
