butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
Screwed.edu
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
