I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
