help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
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