I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
