Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Every concussion has its silver lining
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
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