So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize