Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Your tits are I can't wait for
OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
