No awkward lesbian experiences without me
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
