Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
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