Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
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