i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
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