There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Randomize
