writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Randomize
