You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Randomize
