anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
