yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
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