let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
Randomize
