my phone needs a breathalizer
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
