Just mADE A PArabola og urine
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
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