just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
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