I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
