He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
