can we get nightvision for the apartment?
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Randomize
