Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize
