I accidentally had phone sex last night
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
