First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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