the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
