Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Randomize
