i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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