This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
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