New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Randomize
