Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Randomize
