dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Randomize
