She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Randomize
