Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
