Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Randomize
