the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
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