someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Randomize
