i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
drinking out of a sandbucket again
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Randomize
