ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
