Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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