Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
