I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
