Welp...herpes.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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