I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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