Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
