Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Randomize
