My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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