please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
