Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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