you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
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