i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
