he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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