u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
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