You work out of a Hotel?
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
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