didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
the condom got lost in my hair
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
