i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize
