After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Randomize
