i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
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